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All I want now is to play NFS and suck at it, gang up on Sid G, PJ with Pachu, stand in a queue and pay the phone bills, Spitfire at Fruitshop, Unwind Center, play with Madhu, Pinky, Harshini and the other little kids, make silly tunes on savitri, watch crappy tamil television, jump lanes on Mount Road, vegetarian food, stay away from the internet and cease momentarily from being the Ovid spouting monster I have become. I want simple uncomplicated happiness. Again.
SOP/Motivation letter/Admission Essays
Update – Disclaimer : This is not intended to be a How to write/steal a really good SOP. I am sure you can find a million better places to do that. ( I’m alarmed at the number of hits I get on this single lousy post !!)
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From the Author of “The Science of Appearing To be Brilliant”, “Sound Big” and ” How Grad Schools pick the wrong guys”
As somebody who spent an entire year perfecting the art of bullshit-ing and with an enviable 100% success rate with his Statement Of Purpose/Motivation Letter/Admission Essays, henceforth refered to as SOP, I think i might tell you lesser mortals a few tricks of the trade. I now resort to a middle school debating trick. Let us see how Merriam Webster defines SOP
Main Entry:
- 1sop
- Pronunciation:
- \ˈsäp\
- Function:
- noun
- Etymology:
- Middle English soppe, from Old English sopp; akin to Old English sūpan to swallow — more at sup
- Date:
- before 12th century
It really takes a true master to see beyond the obvious and make the connection between SOP and sop. But do not worry, I have done the hard work for you. Look at the etymology, from ” sūpan”, your SOP has to be swallowable. That pretty much sums it. Give the barmy ol’ codgers something they would love to slurp up. While this is the “Zen” of writing an SOP, let me dish out the gyan for the not so evolved ones.
- Sound Big. Buy a copy of my “Sound Big”. Learn ‘Acadamese’ for best results.
- Know your articles. ” A , AN and THE” . The holy trinity can be a killer if misused.
- Ctrl-C , Ctrl-V, Thesaurus. The masters have done it all in the past. You are a mere weakling who can never reach those god-like levels. So “mutilate and replicate ” is the mantra. Being Original is dangerous.
- Quotes. There are two broad schools of thought here. Quotes just go on to say you have to borrow your lines and an evil ‘independent free thinker’ on the admissions board will extend that to – borrow your ‘vision’ and ‘goals’. That truly is disastrous. On the other hand, given enough stupid people on the board, you might come across as ‘well-read’ or the best case scenario a famous professor might think you are ‘entourage’ material if you go around ‘quoting’ enough people. My suggestion would be to take the middle path. Mutilate and replicate the quote
. You ll never go wrong with it. - Learn Famous Names. Buy copy of “The Science of Appearing To be Brilliant” for more.
- Use capital letters indiscriminately as I have done in this Post.
- Be vague. Don’t let them pin you down. Ever.
- Small fonts => Elegant.
- But do not forget you are a costermonger. If you don’t display your wares, you don’t get in.
Go one step forward. This is the place where the weaklings crumble. Display wares that you don’t have. There are a few guidelines here that you might find helpful if you are a beginner.(This is an excerpt from “Sound Big – Chapter 7 – Science Grads)
- If you were in the same lab, you independently worked on ” XYZ”
- If you were cleaning the lab floor, you actively worked on it.
- If you happened to walk past the lab to get coffee, your seminal work formed the basis of whatever happened in the lab.
- If your friend worked on it, you worked on it.
- If your prof worked on it , you collaborated.
- If your sworn enemy worked on it, you ‘corrected’ the flaws and made IT happen.
- If you looked it up on Wiki, you proposed the theoretical model.
- If you have just heard of the term, you displayed an active interest in it.
- If your target school works on it, you have had a passion for it since you walked in diapers.
- If your prof thinks you are a fool, you have valuable Insight into whatever he works on.
- If your prof shouts at you all the time, you both have had several thought-provoking discussions.
- If you got thrown out, you had professional differences and then wax elequoent on independent thinking !!
- If you had a visiting professor from MIT, you worked there !!
- If you used a computer before, you are proficient in all the programming languages.
- If you have never used a computer, you still are proficient in all programming languages
For arts, humanities, commerce and management majors, take the above guide lines and Zenzizenzizneic it. Barney’s Video Resume is also highly recommended. Good luck with your applications while I go and write an another one now ..
P.S. – If you a discerning reader and wondering , I have an enormous amount of christian and self-help literature (pamphlets 
) strewn across my floor now.
Strawberry
I loathe having to wake up every morning with a plastic smile on my ugly face and put up with people I detest. What wouldn’t I give to be a kid again, throw a tantrum, call people names and do away with all these pretend niceties. I have a problem with dumb people, especially the well-meaning fools. I am not wired to handle them and providence has a knack of putting a bunch of the other kind in my way.
And I realised I actually can’t tell the strawberry flavor apart. Give me strawberry flavored something, I would tell you it sucks but i wouldn’t know it is strawberry. Weird.
Slumdog Millionaire
Big Bang Theory Season Two Episode 17
“Do you know the film Slumdog Millionaire ? It is loosely based on my life” – a supposedly drunk Rajesh Koothrapalli
*Fell of the hill laughing*
That is possible the only good thing that came out of Slumdog Millionaire.
Saalfeld
Pictures from the Saalfeld Grottos …
And, please do join the nationwide campaign to make Kingfisher beer the national drink !!! and Mallya for President
